thoughtjunkie

**This is purely my opinion, based on first-hand observations. If anyone has any interesting reading material on this subject, or disagrees, I would absolutely love to hear it!**

Western society (okay, I can really only speak with any authority on American society) does this weird, horrible thing, where it vilifies single mothers, and champions single fathers.

The really disgusting part of it is that I think it's just a symptom of a larger issue: the idea that fathers have the choice to be in the picture or not. So, when a woman has a baby, and the father runs away, she made a bad character judgment on who to have a kid with (which also brings in medieval non-science, like the idea that women have absolute control over when they have a child, what gender of child it will be, etc).

I think we (the societal-we) ought to have some pretty strong negative emotions in that situation-- but they ought to be directed at the father and only the father (well, I say 'father' but what I really mean is 'guy who had sex and then is nothing resembling a father').

To the outside observer, there's no way of knowing who he is. A lone coward shirking responsibilities, on the street, looks the same as any other single dude. Cowards are cowards-- they hide.

Sane and reasonable people don't aggressively campaign against single mothers. No, the discrimination comes on casually: tutting, and behind-the-back 'my, what a mess she's made of her life.'

Most heinous of all, widows (or, functional widows-- I think one has to be married to technically be a widow...) get caught in the judgmental crossfire, and no one seems to notice or care.

This injustice happens largely at the periphery of the mother's social circle-- acquaintances, or estranged relatives, or the guy at the fish market-- since most people won't judge their best friend or daughter so callously. The problem persists on the social circles just too far to offer assistance: it's armchair stuff.

I don't mean to say that we as a society should drag the value we place in a single father's efforts down. Be it a father or a mother, parenting (especially alone) is an awesome effort (which may or may not be the single most obvious thing ever uttered in the English language). I just think that we should pull our collective heads out of our asses and see the nobility in people, even if they don't have a penis.